AmazonBasics Pet Dog Self-Warming Bed

Dad

You didn't look thrilled when I brought this home. First impressions?

Boldo

It was cold and synthetic. No history. No other dog had marked it. It's basically a bed with amnesia. I needed to investigate it properly before committing, which I did for about four minutes before I got bored and went back to the couch.

Dad

Tell me about the texture. I know you have opinions about texture.

Boldo

The top is microfiber. Soft. Too soft. No grip. My nails slide around like I'm on a skating rink when I'm trying to get comfortable. The bottom has this rubber backing that's trying too hard. It smells like the inside of a plastic warehouse. Is there anything to eat in the kitchen right now? I smell something.

Dad

So it's been a few days. Have your feelings changed at all?

Boldo

Fine. I've slept on it. Twice. Maybe three times. The thing actually holds heat better than I expected, which is annoying because now I have to admit I don't hate it. My body heat stays in there. On cold nights it's objectively warmer than the tile floor. Still doesn't smell like anything worth remembering.

Dad

The cat got one of these too. I'm curious what you make of that.

Boldo

The cat got one too? Now it bothers me. We're not the same. The cat's bed is on the shelf where it gets zero use. Mine is in the living room where I actually rest my head. This means I have something the cat doesn't, but it also means you think we're equivalent, which we're not. The cat's bed is smaller anyway. Seems like a waste of your money on that end.

Dad

Bottom line — poo emojis. How many?

Boldo

Four. It does what it promises. It's warm. It's built okay. The microfiber is better than I wanted to admit at the start. The rubber backing keeps it from sliding all over. It's not exceptional, but it's solid. I don't recommend things lightly.