Burt's Bees for Dogs Hypoallergenic Shampoo

Dad

I saw this online and thought it looked good. First impression?

Boldo

It's yellow. The bottle is fine. But that smell—it's got honey in there somewhere, buried under about six other things I can't identify. Not bad. Not interesting either. You're going to wash me with it whether I like it or not, right?

Dad

You've been staring at it for ten minutes. What's the verdict on smell?

Boldo

Okay, fine. The honey is actually pretty strong once you get past the initial plant-oil smell. It's clean. Medicinal. Like you're about to fix something that isn't broken. I don't hate it, but I also wouldn't roll in it.

Dad

Now that you've actually used it—what do you think?

Boldo

It doesn't sting my eyes, which is good. It lathers fine. My coat feels softer after, not that I'm admitting that means anything. Wait, is that a squirrel? No. Sorry. Anyway, the smell fades once I'm dry, which honestly is a relief. Less medicinal, more just... clean.

Dad

The cat hasn't touched it. Does that mean something?

Boldo

The cat won't touch anything that's actually good, so yes, it probably means something. If this shampoo smelled like dead bird, she'd be licking the cap. The fact that she's ignoring it suggests it's genuinely safe, which—look, I'm not saying that's impressive, but it's not nothing.

Dad

Rate it. One to five. You know what the ones are.

Boldo

Four. It does exactly what a shampoo is supposed to do. My skin doesn't itch. It doesn't smell like artificial coconut nightmares. I can tolerate bath time with this stuff. That's about as close to a compliment as you're getting from me.