Carlson Extra Wide Walk-Through Gate

Dad

You didn't look thrilled when I brought this home. First impressions?

Boldo

It's a gate. It's meant to keep me out of places, which is the opposite of what I want. The smell is industrial. No personality. And I immediately noticed you put it in the kitchen doorway, which means you're blocking my access to the food zone. That's hostile.

Dad

Tell me about the texture. I know you have opinions about texture.

Boldo

The bars are cold metal. Unpleasant on the nose. The latch mechanism is plastic, and it clicks too loud when you close it—scared me the first three times. The base is metal tubing, very smooth, no grip. Not something I want to interact with. Though I did notice the bottom bar has a slight gap. Probably not enough, but I'll keep checking.

Dad

So it's been a few days. Have your feelings changed at all?

Boldo

It's still a gate. But I'll admit it's sturdy. Doesn't rattle when I bump it. Actually keeps the cat out when you close it, which is something. Wait, is that bacon I smell from upstairs? Never mind. The gate stays put, doesn't slide around like that cheap one from two years ago. I remember that one. Useless. This one actually works, even though I hate why you have it.

Dad

The cat got one of these too. I'm curious what you make of that.

Boldo

Fair. If I'm getting confined, at least the cat is getting confined too. Equality. Though the cat doesn't care because the cat just jumps over everything. You spent money on a gate to keep the cat out and the cat is completely unbothered. Meanwhile, I'm down here respecting boundaries like an idiot. But I respect that you didn't show favoritism. That counts.

Dad

Bottom line — poo emojis. How many?

Boldo

Four. It does what you bought it for, doesn't wobble, and the construction is better than I expected. I still resent the gate itself as a concept. But I'm not denying it works. That's all you're getting.