EliteField 3-Door Folding Soft Dog Crate

Dad

You didn't look thrilled when I brought this home. First impressions?

Boldo

It smells like a factory. Plastic, dye, nothing natural. I stood there for five minutes just cataloging all the smells while you kept saying 'it's nice, right?' It's not nice. It's beige and it folds and it definitely wasn't made for dogs who have standards.

Dad

Tell me about the texture. I know you have opinions about texture.

Boldo

The mesh is cheap. Not terrible cheap, but the kind of cheap where you know it's going to pill if I lie on it wrong. The bottom is this plasticky nylon that sounds wrong when you walk on it—squeaks like something dying. The zippers are loud too. Everything about this crate announces its presence.

Dad

So it's been a few days. Have your feelings changed at all?

Boldo

It's grown on me. Not because it's great, but because the smell is finally fading into something neutral, and I realized the mesh actually breathes pretty well. Also you put my good blanket in it, which was smart of you. I've been napping in here when it's quiet. Don't make a big deal about it. Oh, is that chicken I smell from the kitchen?

Dad

The cat got one of these too. I'm curious what you make of that.

Boldo

That's the problem right there. The cat's crate is in the corner where I can see it all the time, and she looks smug sitting in hers. She didn't have to be bribed. She just walked in and claimed it like she built it herself. I don't like that she has the same thing I have. Now when you separate us, it's not because she's special—we're just equals in beige folding crates. That bothers me more than I want to admit.

Dad

Bottom line — poo emojis. How many?

Boldo

Four. It does what you paid for it to do. The three doors are actually useful because I don't feel trapped, and it folds down for car trips without taking up the whole trunk. The quality is solid enough that it'll last. But it's still a cage, and it's still beige, and the cat getting one took half the dignity out of it. So four. Call it even.