EzyDog Zero Shock Dog Leash

Dad

I saw this one online. Thought it looked good. Your first reaction?

Boldo

It's a leash. That's the baseline expectation. But the handle feels different—there's some kind of material that's not disgusting to hold in your teeth. The shock-absorbing part means nothing to me yet. Show me it works when I actually pull.

Dad

Okay, you've been staring at it for ten minutes. What's the verdict on smell?

Boldo

There's a faint rubber smell underneath the factory stuff, which is fine. Not offensive. Better than that neon leash from last year that smelled like chemicals and broken promises. Though I'm picking up something from the kitchen—did you open the cheese drawer? Never mind, back to the leash. It's acceptable so far.

Dad

Now that you've actually used it — what do you think?

Boldo

The shock absorption is real. When I hit the end of it hard, my neck doesn't snap like it does with the regular ones. The neoprene handle actually grips when it's wet, which means you're less likely to drop it like you usually do. I hate to say it, but this thing is competent.

Dad

The cat hasn't touched it. Does that mean something?

Boldo

The cat doesn't touch anything that isn't hers anyway, so that's not a real test. But I notice she walked past it twice and didn't knock it over, which means it's not wobbling around like a toy. That's something. Also, it's heavy enough that she respects it. She respects things that weigh more than her ego.

Dad

Rate it. One to five. You know what the ones are.

Boldo

Four. It does exactly what it says. No gimmicks, no weird shapes that catch on things, and the shock thing actually matters when I'm pulling and you're on your phone. I've had worse. I've had way worse. Is that breakfast I smell through the fence?