FitBark 2 Dog Activity Monitor

Dad

Come on. You were definitely interested when I opened the box. What did you think when you saw it?

Boldo

I thought it was another one of those things you'd abandon after two weeks. The box smelled like warehouse and rubber. Nothing good. The device itself smells like plastic and disappointment, which is apparently your brand now.

Dad

Let's talk about the smell. I know that's your main thing.

Boldo

Right. It's barely got any smell at all. That's the problem. It's inert. Dead. Like you wore it for a day and all the human sweat and oil just evaporated. I need something with character. This has none.

Dad

You've been wearing it for two weeks now. Is it actually any good at tracking your activity?

Boldo

I assume it works. You keep checking that app and getting excited when I run around the yard. But I can't feel it doing anything, which is the best part. It's light enough that I forget it's there. Wait—is that chicken I smell coming from the kitchen? Is the cat eating my food right now?

Dad

I paid eighty dollars for this thing. Being honest—was that worth it?

Boldo

If you care about how many steps I take or whether I'm getting fat, sure. It probably helps. But eighty dollars is a lot of treat money. You could've bought me a month of good chews and I would've been just as happy. This just sits there and judges me silently.

Dad

Last question. Would you recommend this to other dogs?

Boldo

Only if their owners are the paranoid type who need data on everything. The collar strap is comfortable. The weight is fine. It doesn't pinch. You're not wearing it, so you don't get to complain. But it smells like nothing, it does nothing visible, and it doesn't taste like anything. Treat a dog with better entertainment and they won't need a monitor.