Hill's Science Diet Adult Dry Dog Food

Dad

You didn't look thrilled when I brought this home. First impressions?

Boldo

The smell is all wrong. It's too clean. Like you processed out anything interesting and replaced it with nothing. I could tell immediately this wasn't made for me, it was made for your vet to say 'approved.'

Dad

Tell me about the texture. I know you have opinions about texture.

Boldo

Too hard. Way too hard. My jaw gets tired. No give to it. But wait—is that bacon I smell coming from the kitchen? No? Just disappointed again. Anyway, the kibble doesn't crumble, doesn't soften, just sits there like tiny pebbles.

Dad

So it's been a few days. Have your feelings changed at all?

Boldo

Fine. It's growing on me. Not because it tastes better—it doesn't—but because I'm starting to notice my stomach feels normal. I'm not begging for antacids after dinner. That's something, I guess.

Dad

The cat got one of these too. I'm curious what you make of that.

Boldo

Wait, the cat got kibble? Not just her wet food snob routine? That annoys me. It's annoying that she eats the same thing I do. She's smug about it, too. Probably because she only eats three pieces before she's done being hungry.

Dad

Bottom line — poo emojis. How many?

Boldo

It works. My digestion is solid. Energy is consistent. No mystery ingredients causing problems. Boring as hell, but I'd rather have boring and functional than exciting and regrettable. Four poos.