Himalayan Dog Chew

Dad

I saw this one online. Thought it looked good. Your first reaction?

Boldo

You handed me a rock. A pale, cheese-smelling rock. I licked it once, then dropped it. I was waiting for you to tell me what trick I had to do before you took it away. Also, is that bacon I smell from the kitchen?

Dad

Okay, you've been staring at it for ten minutes. What's the verdict on smell?

Boldo

It's subtle. Like dried milk that got left in a car. Not bad, not good. The cat came over, sniffed it, and walked away. That's usually a bad sign. But I'm still here, so maybe I'm curious.

Dad

Now that you've actually used it — what do you think?

Boldo

It's hard. My jaw gets a real workout. No squeaker, obviously, so that's disappointing. But the texture is rough and satisfying when I scratch my teeth on it. I've been at it for an hour and it's still mostly intact. That's either good or boring.

Dad

The cat hasn't touched it. Does that mean something?

Boldo

The cat is a snob. She only likes things that smell like fish or her own ego. This chew is neither. I don't blame her, but I also don't need her approval. She's staring at me from the couch like I'm embarrassing myself. I am not.

Dad

Rate it. One to five. You know what the ones are.

Boldo

Three piles. It's fine. It lasts forever, doesn't stink, and I didn't hate it. But I also didn't dream about it. If you want me to be happy, give me something that breaks apart faster. Or bacon.