Milk-Bone Original Dog Biscuits

Dad

Okay. New thing. What do you think?

Boldo

I think the box claims 'original' like that's a good thing. It smells like a bakery that ran out of butter. A hint of chicken dust, but mostly cardboard. I was not impressed.

Dad

I'm going to need more than that. How does it smell?

Boldo

Fine. It smells like a dog treat that has no imagination. You know, the kind you buy when you forget to buy real treats. Also I just saw the cat lick her paw and I want to go sniff that spot now.

Dad

You seemed reluctant to try it. What happened when you did?

Boldo

You shoved one in my face. I took it. The crunch was adequate—not too loud, not too soft. But it tasted like if beige were a food. I finished it because I have standards, but I did not wag.

Dad

Anything about this that actually impressed you? Be honest.

Boldo

I will admit this: they don't crumble into a million pieces on your carpet. That's impressive. And they don't have that weird chemical smell some cheap treats do. So they're... fine. But I've had better. When is dinner?

Dad

Final verdict. Don't hold back.

Boldo

If you're out of everything else and the store is closed, these will do. They won't make me love you more, but they won't make me resent you. 4 poos. Not bad. Not great. Just... original.