Orijen Original Dry Dog Food

Dad

You didn't look thrilled when I brought this home. First impressions?

Boldo

The smell is good. Really good—chicken, fish, organs. Not like that grocery store garbage you used to buy. But the kibble pieces are huge. My mouth felt weird at first. I wasn't sure if I trusted it.

Dad

Tell me about the texture. I know you have opinions about texture.

Boldo

The pieces are dense. They don't crumble into dust in my bowl, which I appreciate. Takes actual effort to chew. My jaw gets a workout instead of just swallowing mush. The hardness is good—keeps my teeth from getting lazy. Though honestly, I'd rather have the whole thing be steak.

Dad

So it's been a few days. Have your feelings changed at all?

Boldo

Fine. I'm eating it faster than I used to eat the other stuff. My energy is better. Wait, is that bacon cooking in the kitchen right now? No? Are you sure? The smell is coming from somewhere. Anyway, yeah. This food doesn't make me feel sluggish. My coat looks less terrible too, according to you.

Dad

The cat got one of these too. I'm curious what you make of that.

Boldo

The cat's bowl smells different from mine because everything smells different when the cat eats it. More arrogant, I guess. But she's getting the same kibble and she looks less bony, so I suppose that's fine. Don't tell her I noticed anything positive. She's already insufferable.

Dad

Bottom line—poo emojis. How many?

Boldo

Four. It's expensive and it's a lot better than what you were buying before. I didn't expect to actually prefer eating this. The smell is legitimate, the texture doesn't insult me, and I feel better. It's not perfect—nothing is—but it's solid. Just don't expect me to get excited about kibble.