Pedigree Chopped Ground Dinner Wet Dog Food

Dad

You didn't look thrilled when I brought this home. First impressions?

Boldo

The smell was confusing. Not bad, just... industrial. Like meat that remembers being alive but has accepted its fate. I ate it because I eat everything, but I was not excited. The can made that sound when you opened it though—that's something.

Dad

Tell me about the texture. I know you have opinions about texture.

Boldo

It's wet and chunky but in a soft way. Not like actual ground meat—more like what ground meat becomes after it's been sad for a while. The texture doesn't offend me, which is rare. It's easy to eat fast, which matters. Is that chicken cooking in the kitchen? I smell chicken.

Dad

So it's been a few days. Have your feelings changed at all?

Boldo

I've stopped expecting something better when I hear the can opener. That's not a compliment, by the way. It's fine. Reliable. I finish it every time. But I'm still thinking about that rotisserie chicken from two weeks ago.

Dad

The cat got one of these too. I'm curious what you make of that.

Boldo

The cat had the audacity to eat hers in one minute flat while I was still deliberating. I did not appreciate that. She also left none on her face, unlike me, which felt like showing off. The fact that we're eating the same thing troubles me philosophically. She doesn't deserve premium anything.

Dad

Bottom line—poo emojis. How many?

Boldo

Three. It does what it claims. Nothing remarkable. Won't ruin your budget. Won't change your life. The cat getting fed the same thing still bothers me more than it should. It's fine. I said it.